Tag Archives: life

Customer Mis-Service

I’m not sure how true it is, but I always assume that doctors must have no fun at parties. Every time they’re introduced to someone the response is bound to be, “Oh, I have this strange tingle on my elbow…?” or “I have this pain in all the diodes on my left side.” Even lacking the title, working in IT as I do, I get the same kind of thing. “My PC blue-screens when…” or “How do I do [something esoteric] in [some weird application I’ve never heard of]?” It’s the curse of knowing something about computers.

Often it turns out that people have been mis-sold either the computer itself or some associated gadget. PCs are complicated and people often end up believing the sales-person not because they are inherently trust-worthy (quite the opposite) but because they don’t know enough to counter any assertions made. Can that £300 Dell really edit your home movies? Is an extra 512Mb of memory really necessary or do the margins on it justify a hard sell? How do I avoid all those viruses? (Answers: no, yes and buy a Mac.)

Of course, the truth is that life is complicated and mis-selling, or at least poor service, is rife in all walks of life. I recently went to buy a wedding band. I’m not a jewelry person and have never worn a ring previously, yet I have a good chunk of money to spend on one, a number broadly similar to a new computer. For something so expensive I would have expected some advice, the advantages and disadvantages of various designs and materials. But no, it basically amounted to looking at lots of shiny things and picking one based entirely on aesthetics. They seemed put out when I didn’t know what size my finger was and they offered no guidance on how loose it should be. Later on I found that the manufacturer engraved rings, but this was not offered at the time of purchase. It feels like I would have been better buying on-line!

And now, after a week of wearing it, I find it is doing the jewelry equivalent of blue-screening. We go back to query the workmanship and the assistant merely says — I paraphrase — “Yes, matt-effect white gold does that.” Thanks. She’s probably right but would it not have been useful to tell me this at the time of purchase? They could have made more money (as I might have picked something in a harder metal) and I wouldn’t be whinging about the scratches. We’d all have been happier, until my credit card bill arrived at least.

It’s very English not to complain about things. Many of us have had poor service in a restaurant, have grumbled about it to our friends but when the waiter asks if everything is okay we simply say, “It’s fine.” The difference with the ring and the computer is that we don’t even know that we’ve received poor service until it’s too late. Bad service in a restaurant can be rewarded with no tip, but the jewelers and the computer company already have our money. We have little leverage. After all the £300 Windows-box can edit home movies if you have the patience and my ring can be sent back to the manufacturer for re-polishing. They’re just not what we were expecting.

The Big Day

The Happy CoupleThe truth is that I don’t normally blog about very personal things. However, occasionally something happens that’s so big or different that you have to break convention, and this is one of them.

Last Friday I got married!

For various reasons we did this in New York, dragging most of our relatives three thousand miles from home. Everyone made it and I think a good day was had by all. We even managed to get a little sight-seeing in too. None of my family had been to New York before, in fact I’m the only one that had been out of Europe!

My wife — it’s going to take a while before I get used to saying that — has been mentioned a few times on here before (as “B”) and, well, we’ve grown very close, “inseparable” according to one friend. We were introduced by our mutual friend, M. After unsuccessfully attempting to get us to meet in a pub in April she tried again in July, inviting us both around hers for a weekend vegging out, watching movies.

This weekend went well and we soon agreed to meet again. A number of further encounters ensued. A couple of months later M was so pleased that things were going well that she blogged about us:

I knew theirs was a meaningful and deep union when we were casually drinking Starbucks one night and [B] almost fainted when she caught a sight of a new iPod nano and [S] joined in the drool over miniature toy. Let’s just say… Apple brought them together against the PC users.

View from the London EyeAlthough she insists on using a Vaio we’re all still close. Unfortunately she was back in Croatia and couldn’t make my Stag Do. (Yes, it was mixed. Many, if not most, of my friends are female. Not to be outdone in the “unconventional” stakes, B is having her Hen Night in a couple of weeks, i.e., after the wedding.)

To celebrate the end of my days as a single man, my friends organised a trip on the London Eye. A big Thank You to A for volunteering to organise it and herding my other friends around in a slew of emails; to C for the glitter and balloons at the restaurant, and for her persistence in getting R to come up to London for the night; and to everyone else for coming.

Wallace, Gromit and Me

Rather than just provide a link to the news that Nick Park’s “Wallace and Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit” won an Oscar, I thought I’d also point you to an interview:

NETRIBUTION – OSCAR WINNER NICK PARK — Wallace, Gromit and Me

The care and attention that goes into these films is, no doubt, exactly why they’re as good as they are.

On the other hand I have no idea why “Crash” did so well. It wasn’t a bad movie by any means but I thought it lacked the cleverness and brilliance that characterised most reviews I saw of it.

How to Do What You Love

Even when I disagree with him, I tend to like Paul Graham’s writing. I like this essay, “How to Do What You Love.” Spending forty or more hours a week at work it’s important to like what you do.

This paragraph rang especially true: “If your work is not your favourite thing to do, you’ll have terrible problems with procrastination. You’ll have to force yourself to work, and when you resort to that the results are distinctly inferior.” I’m procrastinating a lot these days…

F.A.Q.

Most sites have a Frequently Asked Questions section and I don’t want to feel left out. So far no-one has actually asked any questions, so I am just guessing.

How are you?

I find that I annoy myself by saying “I’m good” when asked that question. I’m just not convinced it’s actually valid English. I got into the habit when I found that many Americans stare at you blankly if you answer any other way.

Who are you?

That’s a very deep question. Perhaps we could start with something a bit easier? If you’re impatient I suggest you ask someone with a Psychology or Philosophy degree and not someone like me who has one in Computer Science.

What do you want?

Never ask that question.

I live in Nigeria and would like to transfer a large sum of money out of the country. Can you help me?

Ha! Like I’d make that mistake again.

What’s red, round and ticks?

A clock-work tomato.

Will you promise never to tell a joke that bad again?

I’m afraid all my jokes are that bad.

Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

I don’t like the sound of where this is going, but in answer to your question, no. As I am a male Caucasian it’s probably best that I don’t try to dance.

What’s the state capital of California?

Only a few people will know why this is funny. I’m not going to explain.

Why won’t my file open when I’m eating toast?

That is the most stupid question ever! Do not have children! (This from the Daily Dilbert mailing on the 7th October, 2005.)

Are you really as dumb as you seem from this blog?

Such rudeness. But probably.

Well, I hope you found that enlightening. Feel free to add a comment with any new questions you have.

Unappreciated technology

“Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic,” or so said Arthur C. Clarke. What struck me when I was on holiday a couple of weeks ago is that there’s a level beyond that: when you don’t even notice.

We were sat in a restaurant having dinner and for reasons that I can no longer recall, conversation came round to the first UK hit by the Rolling Stones. ‘H’ said that it was “Come On,” ‘J’ swore that it was something entirely different. This all being at least ten years before I was born I had no real opinion on the subject but I did know a man who would have the answer. I immediately took out my mobile and texted him. A few minutes later the answer came back (‘H’ was right).

Of course, this was all taken for granted, except ‘J’ who now owed ten thousand dong. But have you ever considered the level of technology required to make this happen?

A very much simplified sequence of events looks something like this: my phone sends the message to the local cell tower (those things they put on top of schools that fry pigeons and cheaply microwave the chicken nuggets the kids are having for dinner). The cell tower transfers the message on to some “command centre,” a big room with stacks of computers, noisy fans and flashing lights being maintained by men in white coats clutching clip-boards. From here it zips all six thousand miles back to the UK, only pausing to make a note in the billing system. Once back in Blighty the network tries to find the phone, transfers the message to the nearest cell and on to the phone itself. The return trip would be similar but with the added complexity of having a UK phone operating on a foreign network.

All this happens faultlessly in just a few seconds. Isn’t that amazing?

Of course I’m not claiming to be the first to notice this. I remember hearing an interview with Douglas Adams where he marvels at the complexity lying behind a light switch. The difference, in my mind at least, is how quickly this immensely complicated technology has moved from magic to invisibility.