Tag Archives: Blog

Naked

A friend recently pledged to post to her blog at least once a day. It’s quite a target; does that much really happen in our lives to post anything insightful that frequently?

In my case the answer is “no.” I’m not nearly interesting enough, but A is doing a fine job so far as long as you don’t mind that it’s an average rather than actually a daily occurrence! That’s not to say that nothing interesting ever happens to me. Take this, for example. It happened shortly after I moved to London.

I was sat on the Northern Line on the way home. It was later than normal but not that late, say around 9pm. The carriage was busy but not packed. We were all sat there reading books, magazines, newspapers. All was normal.

At one stop, Enbankment I think, a guy steps on. He stays standing where he got on as we continue reading and the guard announces that we should stand clear of the closing doors. The train gradually accelerates into the tunnel.

I’m at that level of tiredness where my eyes are lightly skimming over the words rather than studying every detail. This is how I notice that the man has taken off his ruck-sack and has placed his jumper in it. Not significant in and of itself, I grant you, however next he tucks his t-shirt into his bag. Next his trousers are folded and placed in the bag and finally his underpants.

Ladies and gentlemen, we now have a naked man in the carriage.

But this is England. We don’t make a fuss; we, “officially” at least, don’t even notice. We’re all far too busy reading to notice that there’s a naked man no more than ten metres from where we’re sitting.

The guy casually strides along to the end of the carriage, opens the door and steps through into the next car.

You couldn’t make this kind of thing up, but it happened. I was there. If only this kind of thing happened more often then I could post a blog more often than once a month…

Quantum Tea Theory

I’m upstairs in bed. Just having a lazy Sunday morning, there’s no rush to get up but I do feel the need for some liquid refreshment. An English man and his tea. But, then again, just lying here is so very relaxing.

B points out that the tea isn’t just going to make itself. I note that this isn’t entirely true. According to quantum theory, it is possible for elementary particles to be at opposite ends of the universe from one moment to the next. One can, therefore, conclude that, while unlikely, it is within the realms of possibility that a mug of steaming, hot tea could materialise out of no-where onto my bed-side table.

She seems unconvinced and goes to take a shower.

You can imagine my surprise, then, when a cup of tea did spontaneous appear. Unfortunately it had two sugars in it, so I had to throw it out and make another one. Sometimes you just can’t win.

The Big Day

The Happy CoupleThe truth is that I don’t normally blog about very personal things. However, occasionally something happens that’s so big or different that you have to break convention, and this is one of them.

Last Friday I got married!

For various reasons we did this in New York, dragging most of our relatives three thousand miles from home. Everyone made it and I think a good day was had by all. We even managed to get a little sight-seeing in too. None of my family had been to New York before, in fact I’m the only one that had been out of Europe!

My wife — it’s going to take a while before I get used to saying that — has been mentioned a few times on here before (as “B”) and, well, we’ve grown very close, “inseparable” according to one friend. We were introduced by our mutual friend, M. After unsuccessfully attempting to get us to meet in a pub in April she tried again in July, inviting us both around hers for a weekend vegging out, watching movies.

This weekend went well and we soon agreed to meet again. A number of further encounters ensued. A couple of months later M was so pleased that things were going well that she blogged about us:

I knew theirs was a meaningful and deep union when we were casually drinking Starbucks one night and [B] almost fainted when she caught a sight of a new iPod nano and [S] joined in the drool over miniature toy. Let’s just say… Apple brought them together against the PC users.

View from the London EyeAlthough she insists on using a Vaio we’re all still close. Unfortunately she was back in Croatia and couldn’t make my Stag Do. (Yes, it was mixed. Many, if not most, of my friends are female. Not to be outdone in the “unconventional” stakes, B is having her Hen Night in a couple of weeks, i.e., after the wedding.)

To celebrate the end of my days as a single man, my friends organised a trip on the London Eye. A big Thank You to A for volunteering to organise it and herding my other friends around in a slew of emails; to C for the glitter and balloons at the restaurant, and for her persistence in getting R to come up to London for the night; and to everyone else for coming.

F.A.Q.

Most sites have a Frequently Asked Questions section and I don’t want to feel left out. So far no-one has actually asked any questions, so I am just guessing.

How are you?

I find that I annoy myself by saying “I’m good” when asked that question. I’m just not convinced it’s actually valid English. I got into the habit when I found that many Americans stare at you blankly if you answer any other way.

Who are you?

That’s a very deep question. Perhaps we could start with something a bit easier? If you’re impatient I suggest you ask someone with a Psychology or Philosophy degree and not someone like me who has one in Computer Science.

What do you want?

Never ask that question.

I live in Nigeria and would like to transfer a large sum of money out of the country. Can you help me?

Ha! Like I’d make that mistake again.

What’s red, round and ticks?

A clock-work tomato.

Will you promise never to tell a joke that bad again?

I’m afraid all my jokes are that bad.

Ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight?

I don’t like the sound of where this is going, but in answer to your question, no. As I am a male Caucasian it’s probably best that I don’t try to dance.

What’s the state capital of California?

Only a few people will know why this is funny. I’m not going to explain.

Why won’t my file open when I’m eating toast?

That is the most stupid question ever! Do not have children! (This from the Daily Dilbert mailing on the 7th October, 2005.)

Are you really as dumb as you seem from this blog?

Such rudeness. But probably.

Well, I hope you found that enlightening. Feel free to add a comment with any new questions you have.