WWDC 2016 Announcement Analysis

This was originally posted to Medium in 2016. Reposting a couple of weeks ago would have made more sense in hindsight…

Apple event invitations are famous for providing clues about announcements that will be made at the event. Who can forget the square shapes on the invitation to last years keynote effectively predicting the arrival of the new Apple TV? Or the circular patterns a couple of years ago that presaged the cylindical shape of the new Mac Pro?

With that in mind, I think it will be instructive to examine the invitation for WWDC 2016. What does it tell us about what we can expect at the keynote?

Certainly a few features jump right out.

The text is monospaced. This is a clear hint that any new products will come in a single size. If there are any new MacBooks, it will be either the 13″ or 15″ but not both.

The text is multi-coloured. This tells us that new products will be available in many new hues, almost certainly beyond the typical Space Grey, Silver Gold and Rose Gold.

The writing is in the form of poetry, suggesting that announcements are for English majors rather than engineers. Don’t expect a new Mac Pro. Maybe a new Pencil?

But what if we look deeper? If we look between the lines we can divine even more meaning.

“Hello yogi on my wrist.” Yogi was a bear. And bears are famous for defecating in the woods. What Apple are saying here is that their competitors cannot see the wood for the trees, or that any new announcement is going to be a groundbreaking innovation that no one will have an answer for.

“Hello driver, as fast as you can,” shows that Apple are moving fast, faster than Google, faster than Amazon, faster than Microsoft.

The “six seconds of fame” line is an obvious reference to Andy Warhol, but is a hundred-and-fifty times less than the original quote. If you add up the digits you get six and there are six kinds of Mac (mini, iMac, Pro, MacBook, Air and MacBook Pro). That can hardly be a coincidence. I think we?re looking at a new Mac announcement.

If we put all those signs together, what do we get? A multi-coloured 15″ MacBook Pro with a Pencil and a cup holder.

Yes. I made up the bit about the cup holder.